I Made My Therapist Cry
And I had no idea how much I needed that.
When I was training to become a therapist (what feels like a million years ago), I was taught to do whatever I could to remain “neutral looking” in session with a client.
I was told that any distress I felt or showed could negatively impact the person or people sitting across from me.
As an HSP (highly sensitive person) and just someone who struggles to hide my deep feelings, this was always a struggle.
My very first client ever was a sweet 80 something year old woman, with only weeks to live, and on hospice care. When I went to meet her for the fist time, she was unresponsive. I freaked out, rushed to the nurses station expressing my fear that she’d passed. They assured me she hadn’t and that I just needed to say her name a few times and she’d wake up.
I nervously walked back into that room, sat close to her bed, whispering her name over & over. (Her name has been changed to protect her privacy)
“Beth … Beth … Beth …”
Nothing.
A little louder, “Beth… Hi can you wake up for me? My name is Robyn.”
::: Crickets:::
I cleared my throat, leaned closer to her, “Beth…”
She gasped for air, sat straight up, and looked me right in the eyes.
I cannot even imagine what I looked like, but I will say this, her first words were,
“Oh baby girl, you look so worried! I’m ok. Are YOU ok?”
We both had a giggle & that started our very short one month relationship of getting to know one another.
I remembered that moment for a long time, as being a reminder that I had to learn to hid my feelings when in session with my clients.
I MUST learn to manage my face.
And I tried. I really did.
Over the years, over the years I’d listen to stories of hearts shattering from unimaginable betrayal… and I’d try NOT tear up.
I’d listen to intimate details of jobs being lost, family members dying, all kinds of abuse, deep losses of self after divorce and cancer diagnoses, caring for aging parents, miscarriages, and all the ways that we as humans FEEL the deepest pain …
And I tried to be with my clients, WITHOUT my emotions coming through.
And I’m here to tell you, it was impossible.
I FEEL so deeply.
I SENSE even more deeply.
But it wasn’t until recently that I experienced the DEEP HEALING of what it’s like to not only have your therapist feel WITH you, in real time, while sharing a story that you’ve shared many times before, with many other therapists …
But to have them feel FOR you in ways that you should have experienced from people who were with you at the time of the story that you’re telling … now that is profound.
I have had kind, tender therapists express empathy and compassion, verbally when I shared stories of starting my period at 8 years old, and the various harmful experiences I went through after that.
I have had gentle, loving therapists apologize & tell me how awful that must have been.
But I have never, until recently had my therapist look me in the eyes, let tears well up, allow them to stream down her face without wiping them away, and say:
“That’s not ok. Nothing about what you’re telling me is ok. You deserved better from the people around you.”
I was shocked at the healing power of those words.
The healing that I found in the salty salve that trailed down her cheeks.
The sound of her voice catching in her throat.
For the FIRST TIME in 35 years of telling this story to therapists throughout my life, I (we, my little inner one and me) felt truly scooped up and held.
I looked at her, in a bit of a daze … not really knowing what I felt. Not able to catch my breath, and the words finally came,
“HOLY SHIT!” “Thank you.”
Tears flowed from my eyes too.
As I stood up to leave, she looked at me with such tenderness and asked,
“Can I hug you?”
Again, I paused, feeling utterly stunned by her tenderness, and finally replied,
“yes, please.”
That hug seemed to flow through decades of yearning to be held, in the way she held me that day.
I had NO idea how much I (we) needed those words, those tears and that hug.
I used to beat myself up mentally, if I lost grip of a tear that was welling up while listening to a client’s pain … but NEVER again.
I will never again feel bad about my tenderness being visible while witnessing a client’s pain, while they are being seen & felt.
So, this is an invitation to YOU, the one who may be worried about when you see your therapist tear up when you share your pain, you don’t need to worry about them - they are so fully present with you that you can let go & allow the emotion to pour into the room.
This is the invitation to YOU, the therapist who may have been told, like I was to keep that shit locked up, as to not worry your client - let’s start normaliazing being HUMAN with our clients, showing them when something touches you from their story.
This is the invitation to YOU …
the person who is ready to share their story
the person who is afraid that their story is “too much”
the person who knows their friends & family are tired of hearing their story
the person who’s never had anyone hear their story & say, “I believe you & that should have never fucking happened to you.”
There’s a therapist out there who not only has the space, the capcity & the skill to witness you & your stories, they WANT to be with you on your journey of healing & growth.
If this resonates & you’d like to discuss working together, click the button below and let’s chat.
And if I am not the therapist for you, may you find the person who you’re looking for that will cry with you & wrap their arms around you (physically or energetically) the way your heart is deeply yearning for.
