The Courage to Say Goodbye
“It Took Guts To Do What You Did. Courage. I Hope You Can Feel Proud Of That.”
Her words hit me like a cool breeze you beg for, 10 miles in to a a HOT 12 mile hike.
I wanted to shout, “No shit! Thank you! Finally someone sees it like I do! Finally someone isn’t expressing condolences, or asking what happened, or worse … asking what I did to cause it.
I mean, she was the one I went to for years.
She watched me try, beg, grow, change, and beg some more.
She witnessed the tears, the sorrow, the rage, the exhaustion.
She heard my pleading, my bitching, my resignation.
But still, her words were what kept me going after I walked out of her office that day.
Her words are what kept me focused as I packed all my things.
Her words are what brought me back from the pile of tears on my bedroom floor wondering if I’d made a terrible decision, reminding myself that, “it wasn’t that bad, I could tolerate more.”
I Took Guts What I Did, Courage. And I Felt Proud Of That.
I did the work.
I reflected deeply.
I paid a shit ton of money to therapists over the years.
I tried, and tried, and tried.
Until I realized, He was not my person.
He would never be my person and I would never be his.
And there’s something beautiful about that.
Something so loving about saying, “It’s ok that this didn’t work. Now go. Continue the work. Discover yourself through this next part of your journey. And I will do the same.”
And we did.
We split things up.
We sold the house.
He kept the dog (she was a total daddy’s girl anyway)
Photo: Robyn's legs/feet, sitting on the floor, of an empty room.
This was the day I moved into my tiny 1 bedroom apartment after I packed my things and moved out. I was crying so many different kinds of tears this day.
We said goodbye.
We divorced.
After 12 years of being each others’ person.
After 12 years of learning what did & did not work in relationships.
After 12 years of adventures, challenges & everything in between.
We said goodbye.
It takes guts to end a relationship.
Especially when, “it’s not really that bad”
Especially when, “No one’s going to understand.”
Especially when, “This is going to make things really hard for a while.”
Especially when, “I was raised to never get divorced, no matter what.”
There are so many reasons we stay in relationships that slowly diminish the light we have inside us.
That seem to drain the vitality right from our hearts.
That convince us that, “It’s not that bad, people have it way worse and stick it out.”
But I’m here to tell you:
sometimes the most loving gift you can give yourself & them, is to say goodbye.
Sometimes there’s nothing left to resuscitate.
Sometimes YOU have nothing left to give.
So If You’re At That Point In Your Relationship:
1 Year In
10 Years In
40 Years In…
And you’re just so tired of feeling lonely, unappreciated, uninspired, and sorta kinda dead inside I want you to know you have a place to explore that.
To give your words a place to live outside of the inside of your mind, where the echos are deafening.
Where you can safely explore what it might be like to actually say goodbye.
Because my dear,
It Takes Guts To Do What You Want To Do.
Courage.
And If You Choose To Do That, It Will Probably Be Something You Can Truly Be Proud Of.
(Even though it’s gonna cause a shit ton of disruption for a while.)
If you’re looking for a place to explore what you’re feeling, thinking and considering - I am that place.
If you’re ready to make a change, to say goodbye and need a sounding board - I am that place.
And if you need a place to find that courage inside you, to do the thing you know you need & desperately want to do - I am that place.
Reach out.
I would be honored to be a part of your journey.
No matter what you decide to do or not do - you deserve a safe, tender & judgment-free space to talk through what’s on your heart & mind.
A place to process the very real fears of how it could go & play with the excitement of what life could be.
