Being seen isn't always what (our parts) want.
My playful part being SEEN. This has NOT always been easy or even fun.
PHOTO: Robyn jumping on a colorful quantum trampoline, in a dark room, with colorful lights shining all around.
This weekly virtual writing studio I attend has me really getting back into writing.
And when that weekly prompt is given, I never truly know what will happen.
But what I’ve grow accustomed to in these last couple of months, is the sensation of words flowing from within my mind out onto the virtual page, via digital ink. And it’s really fucking cool.
This particular prompt I thought would be no different than the others.
Easy.
Fun, even.
WRITE ABOUT A TIME WHEN YOU FELT TRULY SEEN.
Pfff … done. Simple.
I thought all types of profound examples would just come rushing in.
Flowing in.
I thought there’d certainly be a tsunami wave of stories that would move me to tears.
That’s usually what happened.
I usually would write and write and write.
The words would come to me in the form of images.
Memories.
Like Mind-Movies Being Shown On The Big Screen Inside My Skull.
The tears would flow a bit.
Photo: Robyn’s hand holding a pen, sitting at a desk, writing on a pad with the words Soul Work on it. Candle burning. Cup of coffee. Partial computer screen.
And yet this time … nothing was coming to me.
Nothing was being revealed.
Nothing about times I’d felt seen.
I saw images of when I’d witnessed others.
I felt the emotion of when I’d held others who showed up.
I remembered others’ moments of being/feeling seen.
But one or two of my own?
They simply didn’t come.
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What I DID see was the grand, red velvet theater drapes, in front of a large movie screen, closed tight.
It was disappointing.
And a little sad.
My “oooh I need to meditate on this or journal on this or bring this into my therapy session next week,” voice started jabbering.
I am a total “Parts Work” nerd (not sure what this is? Just ask me) so I felt my thinking part “knowing” I’ve felt seen.
Many times.
But on this cold, windy morning the words didn’t feel like flowing out onto the virtual page in digital ink.
And I Started To Think About How Many Times I’ve Invited A Client To Do This: To Go Within, Open Up That Memory Box That’s Been Purposely, Thoughtfully And Almost Surgically Placed Deeply Inside A Safe, Quiet, Dark Spot So That Getting To It Would Require The Precision Of A Surgeon.
Would require the commitment of a PI who’s been promised a mighty reward for unearthing the TRUTH of someone gone missing.
Sometimes, the box of truth, of memories (both joy-filled and sorrow-full) simply want nothing more than to NOT be found.
They Wish To Stay Lodged In Whatever Dark, Fiercely Protected Spot Within In Us, That We’ve Placed Them.
And So I Did With Myself What I Would Do With A Client, I Gave Myself Space And Grace To Be With The “No.”
To just witness what happens both inside and outward, when I make a Soul- Request (asking something of my inner world, which I call my soul) and literally being told:
“Nah, not feeling like it today. Come back later or maybe not at all with this particular request. I haven’t decided completely but for now, it’s a hard pass.”
So there I sat.
Writing and writing about what it’s like for my soul to say no.
The disappointment faded pretty quickly.
It seemed to morph into curiosity.
Even a little bit of, “Ok, I guess THIS is what we’re doing now.”
And I Started To Ask Things Like:
“OK, so the feeling seen part of me doesn’t want to hang out and chat … any other parts here wanting to hang out?”
And I saw this tiny hand raise, like it was a child at the back of a crowded room.
That’s little me, the Mouse with my sister as the bird. Photo: two white young girls, with brown hair, outside, wearing (1) bird costume and (1) mouse costume.
I watched the others move, almost part like something was separating them right down the middle, making a path directly to the little one with her hand raised.
And I saw myself walk up to her and ask,
“Hi there - who are you and what do you want to share with me?”
These big, brown, round eyes looked up at me and just smiled.
I curiously looked down at her, tilting my head like a dog does when it’s hearing their owner ask if it wants to go for a walk.
And in that moment, that tiny little girl, standing only about 2 feet tall, wrapped her arms around my shins, pressed her chest and the left side of her face against my legs and just hugged me.
I wasn’t sure what was happening other than I felt a sensation of “we’re going to be ok,” move like molasses through my entire being.
I’d been stressed out lately with various parts of my transition of moving 1000+ miles away from my home, my community and my beloved therapy practice.
And she wanted me to know, it was going to be alright.
It was such a tender reminder that we have these little, wise, and seemingly fragile parts within us that when we slow down, and let go of expectations, and stop PUSHING & pushing to get what we want …
Sometimes, Our Little, Wise, Loving Parts Show Up Gently, Quietly And Softly To Remind Us That We’re Going To Be Totally Ok.
And I think they do this when we’ve spent just a little too much time hanging out with our Thinking parts.
Is this you?
Have You Been Spending All Or Most Of Your Time With The Part Of You That Figures Shit Out?
That solves all the problems for everyone else?
That “gets shit done?”
I know my GSD (get shit done) part is VERY comfortable running the show and She rarely admits when she’s fatigued and needs a break.
I’m Wondering … Does Your GSD Part Need A Little Break?
If you’re curious what it could feel like to connect to that inner, little, wise and tender part of you that just wants you to know you’re going to be ok…
The part of you that doesn’t take any of the hard stuff away but somehow fills you up with PEACE …
Let’s Talk.
(Click The Button Below)
WE all need a bit of a break to step away from our GSD part and toward our wise, loving tender part …
And when we do, who knows … there might be the tiniest yet mightiest HUG on the other side.
REACH OUT and let’s do some soul work, my dear.
And give that GSD part of you a mini-vacation.
I’m sure they could use it.
