"Why Now?" (and other questions that force you inward)
My heart was pounding & I was way more sweaty than what the weather called for.
I was nervously looking around the room.
Noticing the various people talking & picking out jewelry.
"Man, I feel so NOT cool enough to be here," I thought to myself.
I took a quick, BEFORE selfie so I had one to compare with the AFTER.
My “BEFORE” selfie (blurry because I was a little shaky)
Then I heard, "Robyn? Hi, I’m Alex, follow me."
His smile was soft and I was counting each step as I followed him up the stairs.
"You can sit there, I'll get everything ready."
"Ok yeah, sure. Cool. Do I sit up or lie down?"
I saw his lips move but I wasn't really hearing anything.
But his hand gestured to me to lie down.
WHY was I so nervous?
I'd done this sort of thing before.
But ...
Not with him.
And not here.
And not in my nose.
So many NEW factors.
And then he asked me:
"Why Now? What Made You Want To Pierce Your Nose Today?"
It stopped me in my tracks.
It was such a simple question.
One that I myself asked OFTEN when someone first reaches out to me to start therapy or do soul work.
And yet, I was having trouble finding the words.
Or was it just that I wasn't sure?
Maybe I was judging my own answer to his genuine, "Why now?"
Was he was thinking, "Seriously? At your age? Lady, are you having a midlife crisis?"
Why Now?
It's a powerful question.
And answering it requires stillness, a pause, a slowing down of sorts and finally GOING INWARD.
When I ask potential clients this question, I get so many responses:
This isn't something I can talk to my family or friends about - they wouldn't understand.
My friend's are so tired of hearing me complain about this but they love me & will never actually tell me to shut up about it.
I don't have anyone to talk to about this - no one I'd WANT to talk about it, is more like it.
I don't want to have to talk about this, make these decisions, deal with any of this - but I can't ignore it anymore.
My partner can't stand me complaining and not doing something about, they told me if I didn't figure this out, they'd leave me.
I can't stand who I've become. I was never like this before and I'm so tired of feeling this way.
Honestly, I'm not sure. Things are fine-ish. Then they're not. I can't pinpoint what's wrong. I just know I don't like how I feel and am hoping to figure things out with some help.
These are just a few of the responses I get when people reach out wanting to work with me and I ask this question:
"So, Why Now? If This Has Been A Problem Now For A While - Why Are You Reaching Out Now For Support?"
These question serves a few purposes:
It helps me understand a person's circumstances in this very moment. How they got to be here with me now, saying YES to doing the courageous work of: going inward, looking at, feeling, exploring, discovering, tending to, and making space for what's been inside them all along but for a myriad of reasons, they have not been able to until now.
It also helps the person reaching out, to acknowledge & connect to their WHY. This is THEIR reason(s), "why now," not mine. They get the opportunity to just think for a moment ...
- am I doing this for me?
- For someone else?
- Am I not sure why I'm doing this?
- Am I safe to do this now where I wasn’t safe to before?
- Will I be supported through what may happen as a result of me doing this?
Having a tender, non-judgmental place to let that question swirl around you can be a little disorienting at first.
And then, when you allow yourself to be held, energetically and emotionally in a soul work session, the swirling starts to settle.
And sometimes, people have never been physically SAFE to do or stop doing something.
And these questions give us and them an opportunity to honor what has happened up to this point in their lives that has kept them from what they’re here to do.
And suddenly the, “WHY am I doing this now?” evolves into more…
WHAT would happen if postponed doing this a little while longer?
HOW could doing this now benefit or harm me?
WHO in my life may not like that I'm doing this now?
WHEN do I think I will see the result of this doing or not-doing?
WHY haven’t I yet?
And If Not NOW, Then When?
As for my answer to Alex’s “Why are you doing this now?” question : it was simple and true:
I moved here from a very conservative part of California where I didn’t feel like I could express myself in the ways that I desired to AND still have a “successful & professional” career. Now that I’m in Portland, something in me feels much more free to express myself in all the ways I’ve dreamt of for years now. Something about this move has created so much permission within me and I have never felt so at home in my own body.”
And I give a ton of thanks to my therapist for having the space to process that since moving up here.
If you’re looking to process a few of your WHY’s or WHY NOTs, click the link below and let’s chat.
I’d be honored to support you on this part of your journey of going inward and asking some of those gut-punch questions. I’ve got you.
